I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
