Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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