she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
