Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
