FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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