So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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