Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
