Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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