WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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