Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
