I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
