I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
