There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
