ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
