Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
