So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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