walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Damn victory sex feels great
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