Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
