My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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