I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
