ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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