Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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