i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
