She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
