im drinking this country out of the recession.
Can Purell be used as lube?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
