U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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