Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
do herpes really smell.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
