I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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