He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just gift wrapped bread.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
