and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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