I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
