Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I've blown a few things in my day
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
