just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
