I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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