Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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