apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
