the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
