she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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