I should be sponsored by Trojan
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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