Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
