just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
