He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
