for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
