he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
