His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
