the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
