the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
