Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
