the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
