Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
