Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
