All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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