Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
